Hey there, my name’s Emily—your friendly neighborhood bookworm and self-proclaimed chronic overthinker about love, relationships, and all the messy in-betweens. Like so many of us who are romantics at heart, I’ve been guilty of fantasizing about that perfect, movie-worthy relationship. You know, the kind that screams Jim and Pam from The Office—two people who are best friends, lovers, and champions for each other’s dreams. But let’s be real. Sometimes real-life relationships look less like Jim and Pam and a smidge more like Ryan and Kelly: chaotic, mildly toxic, and sprinkled with dysfunction. Yikes.

So, how can we bridge the gap between “Netflix rom-com” and “actual fulfilling relationship”? After digging into the book How to Be a Better Girlfriend (shoutout to MyBookDigest for the quick audio summary that saved me hours—more on them later 🤓), I picked up some nuggets of wisdom. Let’s break it down: understanding the sneaky toxic behaviors that might be sabotaging your love life. Ready? Let’s dive in!

Why Saying Sorry Matters More Than You Think

Have you ever been too stubborn to apologize even though you knew you were in the wrong? Don’t lie. We’ve all been there. Maybe your joke stung more than you intended, or maybe you critiqued your partner’s cooking a little too harshly (whoops). The kicker? Failing to apologize is a recipe for building resentment in your relationship.

I came across this golden nugget while reading How to Be a Better Girlfriend: A 2017 study published in Frontiers in Psychology revealed that a heartfelt apology makes someone far more likely to forgive you, reducing anger and tension. Think about that. Just a simple “I’m sorry” can act as emotional CPR for your relationship.

Quick Fix:

If you find verbal apologies awkward, try writing them down! Write a heartfelt note or stick a sweet “I’m sorry” Post-it on the fridge. Trust me, these small gestures can mean the world. Just make sure it comes from a genuine place.

Unhealthy Attachment Is Not Cute

Okay, let’s talk dependency. We’ve all heard that romantic adage about two people being “two halves of one soul.” Sure, it’s poetic, but here's the reality: losing yourself in your partner? Not cool.

Over-dependence can stem from deeper issues, like unresolved childhood trauma. A 2018 study found that those with overly dependent behaviors often felt like they didn’t know who they were without their partner. Sound familiar? It’s okay—we’ve all neglected friends to obsess over a budding romance at some point. The issue arises when this attachment becomes a steady diet.

Quick Fix:

Trace your happiness back to you. When was the last time you hung out with friends, indulged in your hobbies, or enjoyed alone time? Reignite your independence by setting a goal each week to do something solo—whether it’s yoga, journaling, or just bingeing your favorite show without consulting anyone. You’ll thank me later.

Your Partner Isn’t a Mind Reader

Ever found yourself saying, “You should know why I’m upset”? Yeah, unless your partner moonlights as a psychic, they probably don’t. Lack of communication, especially one where assumptions are tossed around carelessly, can turn molehills into mountains.

Picture this: Your partner comes home after a grueling 12-hour shift. They’re quiet, and instead of asking what’s wrong, you assume they’re mad at you. Cue an unnecessary argument that leaves both of you feeling miserable. A 2021 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin emphasizes how crucial avoiding negative communication patterns (like mind-reading) is to a flourishing relationship.

Quick Fix:

Make communication a daily ritual. Start every evening with a simple check-in: “How was your day on a scale of 1-10?” It’s cheesy but effective. Pro-tip: If you’re feeling hurt or neglected, ask rather than assume! Open-ended questions like "What’s on your mind?" work wonders.

Micromanaging Your Partner Is a No-Go

Here’s a tough pill to swallow: Sometimes, without even realizing it, we turn into our partner’s boss instead of their equal. Maybe it’s about the way they fold laundry, the seasoning they forgot while cooking, or their tendency to forget where cereal goes. If you find yourself stepping in or dictating how everything should be done, pause. This could be a sign of control rather than care.

According to clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo, micromanaging stems from sky-high perfectionist tendencies and serious trust issues. Not only does this behavior erode your partner’s confidence, but it can also create resentment over time.

Quick Fix:

Take a deep breath the next time your partner does something different from how you’d do it. Is it really the end of the world if the towels aren’t folded in perfect squares? (Spoiler: It’s not.) Focus on what really matters—shared values and mutual respect—not who’s right.

How I Learned This (Shoutout to MyBookDigest!)

Here’s the thing: I didn’t stumble on these insights all on my own. Life gets busy, and most of us don’t have time to read every single self-help book on relationships. That’s where MyBookDigest came in clutch for me. Through their 15-minute audio summaries of bestselling books like How to Be a Better Girlfriend, I’ve been able to soak in powerful insights without disrupting my packed schedule. It’s like having the best bits of a book whispered into your ears while you fold laundry. Win-win.

If you’re a busy professional (or just someone constantly on-the-go), it’s a fantastic tool to keep growing and learning. The 15-minute format not only makes it digestible but also super practical for daily life. Plus, they stay current, with weekly updates featuring trending books. Oh, and their pricing? WAY more affordable than you think. I’m on their $7.99/month plan, which is honestly cheaper than a single paperback.

Final Thoughts: Building a Better Relationship, One Step at a Time

Listen, nobody’s perfect in love. We all stumble, snap unnecessarily, or let our insecurities get the best of us from time to time. But recognizing these patterns—and actively working to tweak them—can transform your relationship. Whether it’s apologizing clearly and often, maintaining healthy independence, opening those lines of fiery communication, or stopping the urge to micromanage, it all comes down to effort.

Remember: Relationships aren’t about perfection. They’re about progress.